Bad Education

Alfie turns up for the new term with a terrible haircut, thanks to his father, and learns that, for the school's annual swimming gala, there is to be a synchronized diving contest.

Alfie is shocked when Kevin Schwimer, an all-American Olympic medallist with a penchant for charitable deeds and marathons, arrives at the school.

After Alfie plays a cruel prank at her expense, Miss Pickwell's car is found by the Severn Bridge with a note to say she has jumped to her death, driven to suicide by Alfie.

Alfie does not take to Miss Pickwell's equally officious replacement Professor Celia Green, especially when she interrupts Fraser's Valentine's Day dating show.

Miss Gulliver is peeved when she is not allowed to give the drugs awareness lecture, the job going to the ultra-trendy India who actually takes drugs herself.

Alfie is reluctant to direct the end of term Christmas play. However, when the class cannot decide on 'The Nutcracker' or 'Robocop' as their choice, Alfie writes 'Robocracker'.